__________________
He had three Lexus cars
in three years and,
never worked three days.
___________________
In 2003 he wrote:
Life…what is it really?
I often wish that I could truly know.
I do know that life is a place ruled by two overall feelings. One being happiness, and two being sadness. I truly don't know were to start with this, but I know that I can say I've experienced a lot in only 18 short years or in my case maybe I should say long. I think that I can say I've been through a lot for my age, and have gone through what most 30 year olds haven't gone through. I don't want to take the hurt and struggle that I've endured in this life and brag about it, I only want to give the knowledge that I know to help people.
I've found out that no matter how old a person is, no matter what color a person is, no matter how smart a person is, or no matter what a person's interest are, everybody goes through hurt and everybody goes through pain. Nothing in this life truly separates one person from the next. People feel differently about situations that is true, but everybody has a reaction to that very situation.
There are so many struggles in life, and the answer to the struggle is how will you deal with it. Acting in negative ways will only bring more struggle and more problems. Acting in a positive way can only help. Some people tend to think that life is over and it doesn't matter if they act positive or negative, so they'll just choose negative because its the easiest reaction to do. When someone reacts that way, they will definitely be dealing with more situations, which will in turn mean more problems. The key is to truly know how to stay positive and not fall into your own hurt and pain and allow it to take your actions over. That is truly one of life's biggest struggles, and to master it is a life long commitment.
I can't explain people’s tears or the sadness that life truly brings them. I have, time after time, broken down to the bottom of a million-ton rock, and still not changed my behavior. My heart has always been feeling care and love yet I couldn’t make the right choices. I wanted so bad to accomplish, and to prove my intelligence to my friends and family, but would stay in a negative life that I was always too scared to leave.
I couldn’t imagine life outside the one I had built for so many years. I couldn’t imagine life without the reputation and the vision I saw when people looked at me. I had this reputation that only a person that was blinded in life would think was positive. I sold dope, I lived a life of absolute craziness, and was loved. I drove a Lexus at the age of 18, had a cell phone on the side of my waste at all times, and a stereo system in my car you could hear 12 blocks away. My grandpa always drove real nice Cadillacs, and I’d always ask him “Grandpa, why don’t you buy a Lexus”, he replied “ Because I can’t afford one”.
Selling drugs, driving a Lexus, and having no job…I’m doing it all…that’s how everybody would look at it, in fact, that’s how I look at it.
When truthfully, that’s sad.
It really is.
He had three great years before his world began crumbling. Before he "turned in" all his friends, waited six months for his court justice and served his prison time. He lived with great regrets near the end. He was lonely, filled with fear and increasingly doubted his chances for success. The penalties for his behaviors exceeded his capacity to go on. He yielded to defeat and quit.
In the midst of his "bad behavior" I saw a young man who was filled with fear but sought success. Medications were a "patch" he couldn't accept. A new beginning was too fearful to attempt. And, his intelligence was a haunting force that showed no mercy.
There was a time when he sought a military road but the law enforcement community prevented that option. It was the only hope I ever saw him actually seek. but no one listened.
If Sheighn has any message for us, it's the need for better treatment for fearful, immature youth. It's the need for mercy when "an offender" seeks a better road.
It's our capacity to forgive those who offend us.
It's the ability to see what others could never see...
that perfect image that lives within a damaged life.
(to hear Sheighn's voice, click on the words above)
(Click Sheighn's photo to get his last thought)
Sheighn died July 7th , 2008 at 24 years of age.
The next step is yours.
So go ahead and solve this problem.
Then, click on these words.