He
struggled at 16 with his mother's death, his homelessness and his
early stages of mental illness. I walked with him as he sought, a
home, medical assistance and food...and, he found nothing. Today he
walks the streets of Nashville, North Carolina un-mediated, defeated.
Only his inner voices keep him company now.
He
was fearful and panicky young man who liked Coke, living at "the edge" and
the profits from drug deals. He knew he would likely not succeed.
Some would say, "He made bad choices."; others might say, "He
had panic attacks and high levels of anxiety that prevented him from
succeeding."; and, yet, others might say, "He was addicted".
I helped him when most had already turned away. I helped him try to
find a job, deal with court issues and seek his National Guard military acceptance.
But, no matter what was tried, the sad fact is...at 24, he died.
When he was eight,
his father died. His mom was an extraordinary lady who stood
by her son on each of his returns to prison. As a young adult,
he had few close friends. In 2006, he worked for a debt collections
agency but his night life soon interfered with his job. In June of
2008, he found another job he really enjoyed...working at Menards.
But, alas, again his night time schedule soon destroyed his successful
road. As of 2009, he is now serving his fourth term in prison.
We still like him and believe one day he will wake and decide it
would be best if he just stayed home.
He lived for
the "now". There was no past and no future. He was like
a child in a big body looking for another fun day. Every time he
finds "success", his impulsive behavior becomes his master and life turned
"black". He's working now with lots of his new tattoos, a few girl
friends and his dream...his own band. His impulsive behavior has "done
him in" every time he stands on a successful road. I'm betting his
dream to have a successful band could save him.
He was the family's
"bad seed". for a few years. He liked to use mind numbing chemicals.
When he was 15, the family moved from Springfield to a small
town nearby. While on His down-hill road, he was once facing at
a Class "X" felony. That Class "X" charge was dropped by The States
Attorney's office and his life was never the same again. He got a
break and then walked into a new life. As of 2009, he has now
completed his year in Iraq as member of The Illinois National Guard. His
first child was born in January, 2008. He has moved into his house
with his girl friend. He's got real dreams now... a Realtor's license,
lots of money or, maybe a college education.
He lived in both
Springfield, with his dad, and California, with his mom. He
was a very bright young man who would occasionally be put back on
track by the adults in a mental health program. He had a tough
time with both parents. He walked a tough road but just wouldn't
quit. His stubbornness has saved him. In January of 2009,
he's in The Navy stationed in California with his wife, Christina and their
baby girl. He's talking about getting his college degree, a commission
and completing his 20 years in The Navy. I know he will win because
he would accept nothing less.
He was a pretty
average young man until, at the ago of 15, the family moved to a small
town near Springfield The move "knocked him for a loop" and it
while he was spinning, he tried a few new roads...Lincoln's ChalleNGe,
The Illinois National Guard and The Army. After his trips, he just
sat where he was and there he sits today. He currently struggles from
day to day working for a lawn service company. I don't hear from
him now...his failure to repay any of his debt ended his relationship
with me.
He loved his great grandma and when she died,
he was devastated at 10 years of age. For many years after her
death, he would secretly visit her grave monthly and talk with her
for a while. He thought of himself as my grandson and I agreed.
I was his counselor in school. I was his mentor in The Challenge
Program and we made the first cadet directed video of the Lincoln's
ChalleNGe Academy Program. We took him along on a few trips out
of town...twice to Boston. He got married in the backyard and
he got divorced two years later. He enlisted and spent two years in
The Army until a back injury put him out of the service. He's still
searching for hs place, his dream, his true love.
He was one of those
real A.D.H.D. kids. Hyper, impulsive and easily led by anyone
who called him "a friend". He went to Lincoln's ChalleNGe Academy
and excelled. He went to the Army and excelled but, later, left the
Army before his enlistment was completed. He got married and, then,
divorced. He loved the women and the alcohol. I often think
of him as one of the new Millennium Cowboys who never could find the
"wild west". He's still searching for his place in the greater
scheme of life. And, I'm still picking him up any time I see him
lying along the side of life's road.
He often failed school assignments and his feelings were easily
hurt. He liked success and often found it with off-track friends
or with hard work. He succeeded with both. He worked one job
for three years and he spent a while in prison when his friends brought
him into their night-time activities involving car theft. After
release from prison, he returned to his old job and works there today.
His dream was to enter the military but his total loss of hearing
in his left ear has prevented him from any military option.
He was moved by his home school to an alternative school classroom.
He spent some time in The Adolescent Unit at the hospital and he
had some arrests. He worked a few jobs after getting his GED from
The Lincoln's ChalleNGe Program but was often unemployed. He too wanted
in to the military but had a couple issues preventing his success. Early
in 2008, he successfully completed basic training in The Illinois National
Guard and currently attends his monthly drills.
So,
what did I do that made a difference?
I helped them see through my eyes.
I taught them to believe in their dream again.
I Listened to the hurts, the angry feelings, the frustrations.
I walked with them on their new roads. Sometimes I
hurt with them. Then, I picked them up after each fall, dusted
them off, and helped them find their next step.
So, what happens when failing young adults see hope, seek
change
...dare to dream of a better life?
Here are the results...
The successes
Without question, there are two
current winners.
They both began as "high risk" young men who shifted their lives from
a defensive, angry attitude to a self directed successful life.
They both took a military road...one in full time military and one in The
Illinois National Guard.
They have both found a woman that they love and they both are proud
fathers.
They have both found success and they both now dream of their next life
goals.
For four others, life has been a struggle.
For our first first young man, mental illness has
devastated his life. I walked with him as he sought food, medication,
treatment and never found any acceptable answers or help.
For another young man, his panic, fear and lack of confidence
cost him every job he tried. Medications never really helped
and their side effects were unbearable. His pride and personal
awareness kept him constantly in a state of defeat and no one had a solution.
He committed suicide at 24 years of age.
For a third young man, he struggled with A.D.H.D. and his
immaturity. He spent a little time in jail, a little time on
parole and a little time in The Navy. He spent lots of
time building his secure environment and then crushing it with his
impulsive mistakes. His self-esteem and confidence are muffled
by his fears and his sharp mental awareness of past injury to others.
He never found medications, counseling or residential treatment
that helped him with his emotional struggles.
The last young man just wasn't very smart. His reduced
ability to comprehend new learning and his inability to assess social
situations limited his ability to get good jobs and be successful in
social situations. He's big and he's strong...and, he doesn't like
to be teased. Life has been a struggle and he still often encounters
rejection from strangers. His best friends had personal problems
too and, their personal problems often became his problems.
I saw one common thread amongst all these young men. They were all failing
and they knew it. They had tried, in the past, to succeed but they
failed. They had seen the success of others and they were embarrassed
by their own lives. They knew "rejection" and they had tasted "defeat".
But, in the midst of all that, they were still driven to live life.
They had given up on "success" and settled on a damaged and distorted
reality. In some ways, it was sad to see their dream for success re-opened
with my efforts and, then, find only the confirmation of failure again.
We have solutions for many of these young adults who's lives appear
to be failing...but, we persist in demanding that they "pick themselves up
by their own boot-straps".
The cowboys
Four of the young men are "cowboys". They
live in a world of mental adventure. They are angered by a community
that is fraught with rules and punishments. But, the cowboys
are learning about limits, laws and lawyers. The cowboys are learning
about self-control without being devastated by the system. They have
not found anything they love enough to give up their cowboy life style.
We'll just sit back and wait...if they don't get caught up in broken
laws, they will one day find that dream that will hyper jump them away
from their risky current life style. Let us pray...
And, others go home and sit..
A few young adults have established a pattern of
failure and, then, found relief through alcohol or marijuana. And,
like the adults who value a drink after work, these addicted teens have
no intention of ever giving up those chemicals within their current life
style. We've got to restore personal motivation before anyone will
give up the numbing effects of illegal chemicals.
And for a few young adults, they did succeed at Lincoln's ChalleNGe
and they didn't want to go home...but, no other option existed. So,
those reluctant cadets returned home and fell back into old life patterns
And, of course,
we end
with suggestions
to improve our success rate.
1. Our community
Solutions for those chemically/emotionally imbalance young adults often
don't work.
The problem begins when we think behavior can be altered by
Pavlov's rules of simple punishment/reward. We are often dealing
with immature young adults who need a friend. The community is not
finding solutions for problems...often, all they offer are legal numbing
chemicals that muffle the symptoms. Our community agencies seek
to "look good" while their products and services often don't work for
many of their "customers". I know of
drug programs that serve alcoholics and consider themselves a "success'
when their clients use marijuana rather than bourbon. I know drug
programs that count it as a success when their clients use alcohol rather
than "meth". It's a paper trick justified by a restoration process
that often doesn't work. We need to find real answers and acceptable
solutions.
2. Those young
adults who have a problem staying away from mind altering drugs (alcohol
and marijuana) but successfully complete The LIncoln's ChalleNGe Academy Program
are often not ready to go home.
Some young adults
would choose a military environment where they found success but may be too
young to enlist. Many of those young adults under 17 do try Lincoln's
ChalleNGe Academy and discover happiness there. If a military residential
after-care program existed, many of those young adults would choose to stay
within a military environment. So, why don't we offer a voluntary
military program for those under 17 years of age?
3. When the moment for change is seen and sought
by the off-track youth, they often look to the police, courts and attorneys
for help.
One young man was forgiven by the police, the court and the
prosecutor at a key time when he faced a class "X" felony charge. As
he entered the court room, he came with an enlistment offer and a desire
to join the military. On that day, when his charges were "forgiven",
his life changed direction and he's never been the same since. When
a second young man faced prison and he had worked to obtain an open door
to the military, no mercy could be found and he did later "serve time"
and killed himself six months after his release from prison. Hello?
Maybe we need more flexibility and "heart" in our law enforcement staff?
It's not the statistical numbers on the monthly report that counts,
it's lives saved and young adults restored.
4. There are those young adults
who want to live at home.
That comfortable
chair at home is a most powerful and dangerous object. Sometimes,
all the young adult wants is a secure way to survive at home.
And, if they adjust their
lives...reducing conflict, confrontation and illegal behavior, they can
live at home and find happiness there. I have noticed that rarely do
dreams come true at home but the choice to live at home must remain in the
young adult's hands.
5. Before change can begin, the old life must be set aside.
There are, no doubt, a few programs
that successfully help the young adults as they seek a new life. One
process of change that I have seen succeed is The Lincoln's ChalleNGe Academy.
It begins with leaving home and a "rude awakening" in a military environment.
It's a necessary voluntary beginning experience for many young
"off track" young adults. It's a program that begins with the recognition
of the worth of human life and then offers a new road demanding hard
work and personal effort. Some like the experience and decide to
make the military a career while others just find it a cleansing experience
that etches a memory of success in a historically failing life.
6. For the young adults I knew, judging, testing, shunning
and punishment didn't work.
We have spent lots of money for testing and punishment. But, for some
of these young men, they won't be deterred by professional efforts. We
sometimes try to punish these young adult neighbors utilizing judgment and
shunning...and, these community behaviors don't work. Like
a bad penny, these failing young adults often don't go away with our severe
judgment, structural distancing or our devastating punishment programs.
There has been a battle between those who follow the cost-effective
Pavlov methods of treatment and those who seek to talk with the off-track
youth in their offices. In most cases, their solutions don't
work. They are both wrong. We need more professionals who will
join the young adult on the youth's path. We need professionals
who will listen, talk and walk in their neighborhood (not in the office).
We need professionals who will be with the young adult as they experience
frustration, find success and move on to independence.
You see, the problem is, we are often dealing with issues
of chemical imbalance, heridtary damage, lack of childhood parental teaching,
immaturity, anger, and a life style that numbs the stressful emotions. We
can continue demanding that our young adults "pick themselves up from their
boot-straps" and then offer punishment and isolation when they fail... and,
then pay the bill. Or, for those young adults who remain untouched by our
"fear tactics", we need to offer other life-saving options. Don't forget,
they are currently failing; they are tomorrow's citizens; and, they remain
our future neighbors.
So, it's time to leave.
I've said "my piece" and I thank you for reading my thoughts.
Home
who are living a life of crime, partying
