”He’s leading me, Thank God”



I’d like to tell my life story as a record of willful choices and a planned course…but, that would be so wrong.  So many of my successful roads were the result of “being cornered” or falling into an accidental path.  It’s scary to think that my life is no more than a series of compelled roads and quick turns to avoid unseen pot-holes.  

But, then again, maybe my life is more than a series of accidents and falls.  Maybe their was a hand shuffling me along.  Seems like too many successes resulting from accidental destinations.  Seems like too much learning occurred from unexpected landings.  Yep, I can’t take credit for much of my life choices but I can see the source of my direction.  It was a Power much greater than I.  It was a plan that was designed just for me.

I was born in Columbus, Ohio and grew up on Acton Road.  I watched as the woods next door became a great housing development.  I caught a bad case of Poison Ivy from the tree fires that burned for days as the builders set down the cement blocks for hundreds of new basements.  The first bird that ever landed on my shoulder arrived one day while I watched the house builders from the edge of my backyard.  And, while I listened to “The Tennessee Waltz”, I sensed my world, as I knew it, would soon be making radical changes and the return to my safe childhood would not be an option.  At 12, I saw the world changing and I was without fear.

It was in the Third grade I found someone who cared about me.  It was my third grade teacher, Miss Doll.  All I remember is she wasn’t afraid to hug me and she would often tell me what I could never see…my personal worth.  Fifty year later, I returned to the childhood neighborhood to thank her.  It was then I learned she had become a heavy drinker and met an early, lonely death.  I was too late to say, “Thank you” or try to repay that priceless gift.  

While in the fifth grade, I was sitting on my front porch as a dog with rabies slinked by.  I couldn’t resist it.  I did love animals.  And, when I called, he came with drooling foam and glassy eyes.  When his jaws clamped down on my left wrest, the screaming began.  My mother came running with dishtowel in hand.  The tug-of-war began and, fortunately, my mother won.  After the battle ended, I began taking a series of experimental injections that had just been released for public use in The United States.  It was the Rabies Serum that was injected directly into the stomach.  And I emerged later without any damage from that traumatic event.  And, that was just one example of my many “close calls”.

As I think back to middle school and high school, I’m not sure what category I lived in.  I surely wasn’t a “jock” since I was often chosen last when the neighborhood teams were divided.  I wasn’t a high performance learner since I always had just average grades.  I wasn’t a popular classmate and I never stepped into the middle of unjust situations.  When ever I excelled at school, I was filled with fear because I often saw successful students become objects of teasing and degradation.  No, I was just one of those kids that went often unseen.  I just did my job, wrote with my ink dipped pen and, as often as I could, got my supply of sugar products like blackjack gum, paper dots, small wax bottles filled with a flavored sugar drink and Eisley’s milkshakes.

I know I did struggle with Acne damage all through high school and got regular X-ray treatments while in college.  And, I did love those X-ray shoe size machines and used them as often as possible.  And, while I was at it, I did love chasing the DDT smoking trucks as they sprayed the neighborhoods.  For fun, I enjoyed trash collecting in the neighborhood and collecting up the Halloween candy from neighbors the next day in the name of “needy children” and…then, eating it all myself.  I went to church and successfully fought off my urge to be a missionary.

I emerged from high school looking as bland as I could, fearful of full time employment and envious of those who were yet undefined college students.  I emerged from high school unloved but with the beginning of an adult fan club that included Mrs. Hawley, Mr. Hendricks and a neighbor.  Those few people saw something in me I could have never imaged.  Things like…a college graduate, a Social Worker, an Air Force Reservist, a dreamer who would persistently seek his dreams. 

So, you might suspect, life settled down and the prizes rolled in. NOT.  After my second year of fun in college while majoring in Business Administration, I was asked to leave due to “low academic achievement”.  After sitting out of college for a year, I returned to my new major in Social  work and found myself on The Dean’s List for high academic achievement.  But, it took six years to get that four-year Bachelor's Degree diploma.  Then, as I went for a Master's degree, I again was asked to leave midway through their program.  Again, I dropped out for a year and then returned to complete their program.  So, I ask, who’s got the learning problem?  It must be me.

As I graduated from College with my Master’s Degree, I saw life more clearly and I did willingly share it.     Within my own suffering, I saw a few of life's rules more clearly.  I saw rewards and punishments as real and sometimes very painful.  I saw acceptance and rejection as tools of management.  I saw lives in ruin as no more than sleeping spirits ready to emerge.  I saw deception as the source of many who were seen as examples of "the right road".  I saw many of those who were closest to "God's Plan" living quiet, unseen, lives filled with pain and persistence.  I always saw discomfort as a part of any successful life.  And, here are a few more of those specific life rules I had learned:  
____________________
Some people can sit still while others are compelled to grow, stretch, achieve.   

Fear is an initial part of any growth we seek.  
That's why people don't change... they often stay in bad marriages, unsatisifying jobs and failing life styles.  

 Your successes will sometimes disturb those who seek no dreams.  

Before we move, we must stretch our vision.

Failure exists only when we quit trying.
 
We see God most clearly when we are in discomfort.
 
Personal power is strongest when
we are seeking our “dream”.  

If you love your work, it isn’t work.  

Love is one of those powerful forces that often has
pain and heartbreak attached.

We can’t hold on to any moment,
any person or any emotion for ever. 

When we walk into a new world, it feels strange until we stay long enough to make it our own.

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So, as the work years began. I had my mission.  It was to share some of these lessons. It seemed like a priceless gift that I offered.  I was shocked when I encountered some folks who had closed their doors to learning.  I found those most receptive individuals were those who were failing, suffering or “stressed”.  I realized my greatest influence would be amongst the poor, the hurting and the emotionally damaged.  I did the best to share my learning.

And, so my story ends.  Much of my life was an investing experience as a Social Worker.  It was a story whose ending must wait.  Much of my life was a seed planting trip and the crop was yet to be harvested.  Maybe our greatest gifts are seeds?  Maybe our greatest reward is watching success emerge from the ashes?  Maybe our greatest return is watching others make our lessons their own?  Don’t be bothered if I just sit here for a while and wait and watch and listen.  Got time to sit a spell?  Lets have a diet Pepsi.

Its Brad.    Lets talk.




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